from internal med to family med

Passion. Work becomes so easy and enjoyable when you're passionate about it. You always look forward to the next day or next time that you'll be at work. You have so much enthusiasm you might drown in it. When you're passionate about your work, you wouldn't care whether you get paid for the hours you spend in work or not. it's just so nice to be passionate.be it work or anything else.
some 4 years ago, i was with the department of internal medicine of Silliman Medical Center because i wanted to be a cardiologist in the future. unfortunately, the training program was suspended hence i was not able to finish it. it was my first job after taking the board exams. though i was apprehensive, i was excited to start working since internal medicine is my first love. i have always wanted to be an internist because for me, it's so challenging, unpredictable and mind-boggling. when you're dealing with adult medical patients, it's like solving a puzzle (reminds me of the rubik's cube). the patients are never simple...they're complicated and yet, when you get to have the puzzle fit into the right places....they become simple. back then, i love being busy with patients whether morbid or not. i love the feeling of not being able to sleep during the night because i was so busy trying to figure out the disease the patients is having...it's so rewarding to see your patients in the morning smiling so happily because the dyspnea is no longer there...well, that's just one side of the coin. the other side of course is known to most if not all of us. we also lose patients because either we were not able to figure out in time what he/she is sick of or he/she came in late and we cannot do anything more to save him/her or it's time for him/her to go. it is then that our enthusiasm wanes. we get a little depressed especially if you tried really hard to save that patient. but then we know that all of us has to go. i think what's good is that we see a lot of patients getting well than the number of patients that die in the hospital. that's quite a blessing.

some 2 years ago, after trying my best to have the internal med department reaccredited and failed, i decided to transfer to another specialty which was foreign to me then. that is where i am now - family medicine. i said foreign because it was not incorporated in my subjects during med school. the decision was not really because i wanted to be a family physician but because it was the only accredited department in the hospital at that time and i don't want to train anywhere else than Silliman. (it's about the place and the people and the pedicab and the peace i found in this city). when i started my training in family medicine, the passion i had when i started in internal med started to falter. the scope of family med is so different from internal med. family med involves so much emotion in dealing with patients especially when you're in the stage where you don't know how to do bracketing and how to emphatize rather than sympathize. it's a different specialty since it's sometimes energy-draining. plus the fact of course that you get to see patients of all ages with all sorts of disease from organic to inorganic disease. it might sound like i regret being part of family med rather than internal med. well, in a way, yes. but..., i am happy where i am now. being in family med made me a more humane physician than I've been when i was in internal med. it made me reach out to the inner self of my patients and i get the privilege of treating the whole family rather than the patient alone. though the passion is no longer as strong as before, it comes in a different package now. i look forward to knowing and figuring out why my patient is acting this way and not that way. i also get to know my patients well - that is biomedically, psychologically and socially. that's what separate and distinguish family physicians from the rest of the specialties - the biopsychosocial approach...

so, i guess the change i made is not that bad at all. i am starting to think that this could really be God's plan for me. with my achievements so far, i think i'll be a good family physician in the future (assuming^). i realized that being in family med is a blessing...it gives a more meaningful definition of a physician....

it all starts with forgiving

My childhood wasn't an ordinary phase. i was born with the darkest skin among my siblings which became a cross for me since i always get the unkind words from cousins and loved ones. this could probably explain the insecurities i had. well, yes, i had.....

The world suffers from a severe shortage of kindness. We learn cruelty when we’re very young. Remember some of the cutting words you heard on the playground? It’s really no wonder; adults aren’t always great models. We say vindictive things; we accuse each other of all sorts of sins. We spread rumors and hold grudges. Over the centuries, the world has experienced incomprehensible violence because of people’s refusal to treat one another the way God intended.

Jesus knew firsthand how cruel people can be, he was abused, rejected, tortured,, and killed-all in the name of God! If anyone had cause to be bitter and unforgiving, Jesus did. But he set the standard for us when he hung on the cross. Every breath was bringing indescribable pain, but he cried out, “Father. Forgive them.” (Luke 23:34)

Christians ought to be conspicuous by our kindness. We should stand out as people known for our forgiveness. We should be characterized by gentleness. We should have a reputation for our compassion. If we are known, instead, for our bickering and our cruelty, we are unworthy to call ourselves by the name of Christ.

the pains i had to go through as a child left scars which serve as reminders of that bitter part of life. it started as petty as being called an agta but little did they know...it created a scar that left a mark....going through the biopsychosocial aspect of it all, it had a great impact on how i lived my life...it was hard to forgive them and to forgive myself for what i went through...it was not an easy journey...it was an unhappy situation to not being able to forgive...even if no apologies were given.

Forgiveness is the ultimate kind of kindness. It’s one thing to show kindness toward someone who has treated you kindly, but it’s quite another to show kindness to someone who has hurt you. That’s forgiveness; when you can do that, you are loving the way Christ loved...

this is just one part of that journey...as a start towards taking that risk of showing the world who i am and who i can become...